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May. 23rd, 2011 @ 05:12 pm T minus 2 days
So it is 2 days until estimated due date of my child. I've decided to stop referring to the child as "She" since there is no confirmation of the sex of the child and what kind of an ass would I be if I continued to do that and then I have a son.

That however is not the focus of this entry. Once again I find myself in a spot. I'm with someone who doesn't see eye to eye with me on key aspects of raising a child and about life in general. Love can only go so far before you realize things just are not meant to work out. She doesn't believe in disciplining a child but instead is of the "hippy" camp where you just praise the child on everything they do even if it's wrong. I'm not allowed to say "bad" instead it's naughty, and keep the child smiling is the only thing that matters.

Suffice to say I think this is all bullshit. I was raised with discipline, slap on the hand, swat on the bum when I was bad. Yes I said bad. People tend to forget that pain is the greatest teacher mankind ever had. Taught us that fire is hurtful as well as helpful. I see kids today and shake my head as they are barely a step above a roving pack of wild dogs. I refuse to raise any child of mine to be a moronic follower.

I don't know what I'll do right now. I won't be parted from my child and if need be I can fight for them. I have enough to win I believe and if not enough to raise enough of a fuss to change the ruling.

Nothing is ever easy
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May. 10th, 2011 @ 11:43 pm Been awhile
Been awhile since I've posted here. Desktop died, didn't get around to getting back to this till now.

Baby is due in 15 days. I'm freaking out. So many bad scenario's are passing through my mind. I see the baby being stillborn, or both mother and baby dying during birth, or just me plain old failing as a father.

I just don't know what to do or who to talk to so I posted this here just to get it all out.
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Jul. 22nd, 2010 @ 12:49 am (no subject)
b>I Am A:</b> True Neutral Human Ranger/Sorcerer (2nd/1st Level)

Ability Scores:







True Neutral A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. He doesn't feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil after all, he would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, he's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.

Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Primary Class:
Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter's dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Secondary Class:
Sorcerers are arcane spellcasters who manipulate magic energy with imagination and talent rather than studious discipline. They have no books, no mentors, no theories just raw power that they direct at will. Sorcerers know fewer spells than wizards do and acquire them more slowly, but they can cast individual spells more often and have no need to prepare their incantations ahead of time. Also unlike wizards, sorcerers cannot specialize in a school of magic. Since sorcerers gain their powers without undergoing the years of rigorous study that wizards go through, they have more time to learn fighting skills and are proficient with simple weapons. Charisma is very important for sorcerers; the higher their value in this ability, the higher the spell level they can cast.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Detailed Results:

Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)

Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XXXXX (5)
Chaos --- XXXXX (5)

Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXX (8)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXX (9)
Evil ---- XXXXXXX (7)

Human ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Dwarf ---- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Elf ------ XXXXXX (6)
Gnome ---- XXXXXX (6)
Halfling - XX (2)
Half-Elf - XXXXXXX (7)
Half-Orc - XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)

Barbarian - (-4)
Bard ------ (-2)
Cleric ---- XX (2)
Druid ----- (0)
Fighter --- (-2)
Monk ------ (-19)
Paladin --- (-17)
Ranger ---- XXXX (4)
Rogue ----- (-6)
Sorcerer -- XXXX (4)
Wizard ---- (-2)
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Jun. 21st, 2010 @ 05:53 pm Stolen from Heather
1. Reply to this post and I'll assign you a letter.
2. List 5 songs that start with that letter.
3. Post them to your journal with these instructions.

I was given F

Funky town
Free falling
Free bird
Falling away from me
Falling for the first time
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Feb. 23rd, 2010 @ 09:37 pm Pain

so here's my rant on why arguments on "pain" with a female these days is a completely stupid idea.

According to stats Canada, 1 in 10 females have been victims of sexual assault. Often this means rape of some sort. Now, as a guy this means I'm enemy number one. It sucks that in our society, rape is still prevalent. I can say how bad I feel that someone would have to go through something like that, but then I'd be faced with the "if you've never been through it...etc."

This is where I'm going to have to say something completely insensitive and bastardly.

I seem to have the ability to attract these 1/10 women as friends or at least acquaintances. Now, this is an abnormality in the data. I should have at most, 3 friends who have been through some sort of sexual assault. However it seems that 90% of my female friends have claimed to have been victims of sexual assault. Either this means that for some reason in the county of Peterborough there are 100 times more sexual deviants then the rest of the country... or it means that some are seeing regret as a "sexual assault".

It is true that the mind will change memories to suit its need to adjust and function, but does that justify turning something into what it's not? Life isn't fair and people are one of nature's strangest creation... But should this be one tragic story of "crying wolf"?

Back to my point. I just got through a pseudo fight with a friend about pain. It ended on a wonderful note of " you wouldn't say your never truly beaten until you give up if you've never been raped"... WHAT THE FUCK???????? How does that become the trump card of this? I mean seriously????

So that's my rant for today.

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Oct. 29th, 2009 @ 02:13 am Update
So here's the play by play of how I've been feeling.

I'm tired of always apologizing for things that either I didn't do or that I'm not sorry about. For the last month it seems that every other sentence out of my mouth has been "I'm sorry". Sure I've done and said somethings that warranted an apology, but for the most part not so much. So I've made a resolution. Outside of work, I will no longer apologize for anything that I don't honestly feel bad about.

Also, I've done some thinking...(Unusual I know) and I've come to the following conclusions...

1) I do want children. I feel the pull more and more as the days fall off the calender. More then a simple need that everyone gets to leave an heir. I can honestly say that I believe I'm ready to be that father that everyone seems to think I can be.

2) I've come to retract my previous views on marriage. The idea of spending my life with someone, sharing everything and having them with me even unto death has come to be very appealing. I've had it with being alone, of traveling alone.

That is all,

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Sep. 11th, 2009 @ 01:26 am (no subject)
I've been left without any other option. I have to admit I've not been myself for along time and will most likely not be back to normalcy for longer still. While I've always been acting rather cold and heartless.... Asshole or Jerk are not wrong words to describe me. However, lately I've been living up to that name.

Before I still had feelings and would often apologize for my bad behavior, now I seem to go for the hurt and after wards.... I don't feel bad, hell I don't feel anything. I just go on with my day as if nothing happened. I don't know why this is happening and frankly I don't care. I could do without the worry lately.

Perhaps I'm going to drive everyone away and finally do what I know I have inadvertently set up. I'm not suppose to be around or be there for my current friends. I've set myself up to be obsolete and unneeded. finally everything is coming to fruition and I'm no longer needed and will simply fade away and move on. I'll miss most of them but at the same time I'm glad. My shoulder will finally be free and the weight will be gone from my back.

Then again this could just be a useless rant and all be tied into my distressing lack of my much needed necklaces.

who knows, I know I don't.
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Mar. 26th, 2009 @ 10:24 pm Changes...
Well few things in my life have changed and some of them are sort of significant.

First off, I got dedicated on Friday March 20th. I was starving but fasting does that. The ritual was nice, although I like not being the one who screwed up for once. I don't much care for saying the self blessing out loud, But that's a personal preference. Food was good, I was painted orange and glittery. Vengeance will be mine.

Freyja invo was awesome. I love my tunic and I got a line on some replacement pants. Friend of mine at work teaches Aki-jujitsu so I can get me some pants from a guey (sp?). I may have to buy the whole set, but shouldn't be more then $70. It was great for once having a Deity from my Pantheon there. I like not being referred to as "the invader" during an Invocation. Mark and I had a blast. He was forced to drain the challis which was funny to watch, a bit of a mix up during some of the terminology. I was a bit surprised how much I remember and where I remembered them from.

I've decided to quit ST'ing LARP. I'm sick of having to deal with a drunken Mattie going all power trippy on me. I really don't care anymore, I'm not doing this to prove a point or even to undermine him. I'm doing this for me, I've got enough stress in my life from work that I don't need another source from what has come to be another job for me. I'm not even going to both announcing it. I'm just going to stop going/doing it. I'll tell a few people but that's it. Its a shame really, I've met some cool people there I never would have ran into otherwise. I'll keep in touch with them and fade into the back ground. I may start up a game on Tuesday to fill the void, but I'm not sure yet.

I'm sure there will be more to rant about later, as it is.... If anyone in ptbo reads this and wants in on a possible game, let me know so I can judge if one is worth putting together.

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Nov. 26th, 2008 @ 01:22 am My life and lamments
So, I had a bad, bad, bad day today at work. I didn't know that coming in seeing as I thought it would be cool as Aaron and I are closing. Aaron is cool, we get along well and have the same interests in books and sense of humor. So I'm all glad to get to work to goof off with my friends and do what I do best... which is my job apparently. Any who, as soon as I log into my phone, April (supervisor) tells me to hop into meeting and come see her. So not being one to deny time off the phones, I glad pop myself into meeting and head over to her desk.

This is where things start to go downhill. She leads me to one of the huddle rooms and closes the door. Warning bell number one goes off. Thinking they have finally caught on to my misappropriation of workplace resources.... I use the printer to print gaming books:P. Instead its to tell me I've been denied getting onto the fax and email team. A big bummer for me, well that's a mild way of putting it. I get a BS explanation as to why I was denied. I get told who got it instead. At this point I'm a bit pissy about the whole thing. The agent they selected while not bad at her job, is definitely slow and way too sensitive to be dealing with some of the people who traffic the email and fax universe.

Now here's were I go from pissy to MAD. I've gotten used to the fact that because of the incompetence of my team mates I will remain of the phone until the busy season is over and there's nothing I can do about that. However and this is important so pay attention and you'll see why I'm mad. Since the new agent isn't on the right rotation for the team, April has the nerve to ask me to fill in the gaps.... Now correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this counter to what just happened? I'm not good enough for the job, but I'm expected to work even harder? At this point I throw on my passive aggressive front and utter the phrase "It doesn't matter to me, I just do what I'm told."

I'm getting to the point where I'm just gonna say fuck it and just shut down. Do enough work to get by and off the radar and let them suffer while the team fails. All the while laughing and making snide remarks and utterly undermining their authority... because from what I've seen, that's what gets you the higher raises and the favoritism.

Ahh fuck it I'm just pissed off.

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Sep. 16th, 2008 @ 06:57 pm Problem solved... sadly no chainsaw
Well that was easier then I thought... more then likely due to the fact I never had to actually do anything.

I was "kicked off" being an ST for LARP..... I'M FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*laughs uncontrollably"

Now I've got the amusing choice of whether or not I want to play...... no I really, really don't.
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